Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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