"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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