??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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