yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize