I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
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I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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