alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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