You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize