i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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