She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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