totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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