i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize