I met the friendliest cop last night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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