I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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