just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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