ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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