either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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