I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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