my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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