you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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