dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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