I smell stomach acid.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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