when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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