I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize