just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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