Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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