I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize