So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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