I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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