great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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