Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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