no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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