I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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