I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize