I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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