So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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