Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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