I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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