just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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