Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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