he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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