i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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