You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
