you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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