she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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