i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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