I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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