he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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