i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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