so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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