Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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