If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think your dad took our porno
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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