WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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